what morning sickness taught me (and i almost missed)

The morning sickness with this pregnancy caught me completely off guard. I had never experienced it to such a degree before with my previous seven pregnancies. A little in the evenings with Korinne, a little more all-day with Wesley. But I was still able to function and carry on with our daily lives just the same as always.

Not so with this pregnancy. I was down for the count for many, many days. And it was awful, terrible, I thought I was dying...at times I really did want to die. Then I felt guilty for wanting to die. I felt guilty for not accepting this eighth blessing from God with anything but absolute joy. And I felt guilty for not being able to care for my home and family the way I should.

Brian would look me in the eyes, and assure me with things like, "Stop it. We will pull through. Let me help. Let the girls help. It can't last more than nine months." And I would sputter things back like, "I don't want you to have to help. I don't want the girls to have to help. And I will never make it nine months...I was thinking three months would kill me."

It took a good few weeks, but God started working on my heart. The Holy Spirit showed me that my biggest 'problem' with this morning sickness was me. I was really ill, but I was very sick with pride too. Which was keeping me from taking care of myself and my tiny baby, from taking it easy, and from letting this pregnancy sickness soon pass.

I am Super Woman. I have a happy husband, happy children. I keep a clean and tidy home. I do every single load of laundry there is. Every. Single. Day. I put three meals, and two snacks on the table each day. I homeschool four children, all while keeping three toddlers busy. I am Super Woman. There is no possible way that Brian or the girls could do what I do.

That is not true. It's actually one of the biggest lies I have ever believed.

My husband is a wonderful man. Not only does he completely support me in my role as homemaker, but he can step in and fill my shoes at a moment's notice. And he does it well. My daughters are wonderful young women. They have been trained for years now in the art of homemaking. I have taught them how to clean, and cook, and care for their siblings...as much as I have taught them academics. They are pretty darn good at keeping house for fourteen and eleven.

I was wasting so much energy worrying that our home would not be taken care of to my standards, that I almost missed the blessing of my family, and that would have been something entirely too good to miss. So I let go. I stopped believing my made-up super woman lie, and accepted the help that my precious family was offering.

I am a little past that 13 Week mark in my pregnancy now. Hello second trimester! I've not had to take but ten of my anti-nausea pills, and it's been almost a week since I took my last one. My energy is returning. Life is good, as it always was...I was just too blinded by my 'trouble' to notice. It was a true test of my faith, that I suppose I did actually fail in a way. But I'm hoping that the fact that I WE pulled through, relying on God and listening to the Holy Spirit, brought my grade up just a little.

It is so true that God doesn't give us anymore than we can handle (with Him), but he also never promises that it will be easy. I just pray that the next time I'm faced with trials, that I can say from the very beginning, that I will praise Him in the storm...not just once it's passed.

"When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers,they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze." - Isaiah 43:2

not my salvation story

Since we are a Godly, church-less family right now, we watched Love Worth Finding as our 'church' this evening. The sermon was entitled 'Understanding The New Birth.' And, just like most times when I sit in church, and it seems the pastor is speaking directly to me, such was the case this evening. Impossible I know, but it felt that way just the same. Something really spoke to me at the end of the sermon. Dr. Rogers was speaking about how we know for certain we have been born again. And the answer, "If we are now trusting Jesus, we are born again." Emphasis on now. He went on to say that some people have a story. A day. A place. Something in their past, that they know for certain, from that moment on, they were saved (born again). But some people do not have a story. And that is OK, because the bible does not say that we must have a story.

 I'm one of those people who doesn't have a story. I remember a few years back, when we first moved down here, and we wanted to 'join' our old church. The pastor came over, and at the end of the visit, he wanted to know our 'salvation stories.' I don't even remember what I said. But I remember wanting so badly to be part of that church, so I made up a 'salvation story' right there on the spot. It was based on my 'experience,' and it sounded good. But it was made up. It was a lie. That I told to my new (old) pastor. (...and you're thinking, "Maybe that's why you are church-less Kathi!" Maybe you're right.)

The truth is, I don't know exactly when I was born again. All I know is that in 2005, I had just had my fourth child, my husband had just left for Afghanistan, our home was getting ready to be in foreclosure, we were broke, and my life seemed rather bleak (to say the least). I remember thinking, "There is no possible way I can do this alone." As the days, weeks, and months passed, I found myself reading the bible. I found myself praying for my deployed husband, my lonely children, and help...I needed so much help. I found myself taking my family (minus their Daddy) to church. I discovered K-LOVE. I started reading bible stories to the kids. And we made it.

 I believe it was the Holy Spirit calling me to a personal relationship with Jesus Christ, and God answering my prayers. It is my 16-month long 'salvation story.' And I am still trusting Jesus. Right now.

the family altar

... or How We Do Family Worship

 

Last January we made the decision to make Family Worship a priority. Up until that point, we didn't even realize it should be a priority. We thought going to church, and making sure we taught the subject of Bible during our homeschool day was enough. Then we read Family Driven Faith. And we knew some things had to change. Baucham dedicated an entire chapter of his book to this subject. It's that important. He calls it a multi-sensory experience, somewhat like what I have written before on Marking Our Homes for God.

 

 

This is how we have done it...almost every night now for 10 months. It will look different for your family. I just want to give an example, because I have been asked about it a few times.

 

Family Worship is the last thing we do before we tuck our children into bed.

 

We start with prayer. One of the boys will usually pray. We have taught them to ask for the Holy Spirit's guidance as we study the Bible. They will usually add a few things of their own.

 

 

Then we go over our Scripture Memory Box. The kids take turns...a lot of times, we end up saying some together...or Brian will give the first word, or two, or five.

 

We just recently started Catechizing the kids. It's very odd to me, but it is important to Brian, and after a few months, I can see why. This is a very good post on this subject.

Then we sing. A Hymn or two, and usually Wesley will request 'Zacchaeus Was A Wee Little Man' or Ben will request 'Jesus Loves Me' (Hymnals are on our Christmas List)

Then we read from the Bible. Right now we are working through Acts. But we are about half way through this plan (yes, we're aware the year is almost over). We will usually go around the room, as Brian, myself, and each reading child reads a chapter. For the children that don't read, we will say a single verse, and they will repeat it (with a big smile). This is somewhat painful and slow, but worth it.

Then we will discuss what we have read. The girls and Connor (and me) usually have a few questions, Wesley will usually ask if there was a Zebra in the story or if the Romans killed Jesus. Kylie sometimes answers Brian's questions with Veggie Tales lyrics. And then Brian will remind everyone that this is Family Worship, and we are to take it seriously. And we do.

Then we will pray again. Brian always prays this time. He will include any requests we are currently praying for. Our list is very long right now.

I will admit, that at first this all seemed unnatural. It was odd to sing, and pray, and read the Bible aloud as a family. But now, it feels unnatural to tuck the kids in bed at night without it. It's a very special part of our day. It shows the kids what is really important to us, and it lays the groundwork for them to do the same thing with their families when they are grown.

my prayer for today

As Summer ends, and Autumn begins, we are busy.

Busy with Ballet, and Cub Scouts, and Nutcracker rehearsal, and rigorous school work, and more responsibility, out of town guests, and training...and the list goes on.

Add to the list of busyness: finding a Church Home...

The stress of it all, is sitting heavily on my shoulders. I'm fatigued and moody and boring.

Today, I am trying to focus on what is important.

God is important.
So prayer is important, and time spent reading the Bible is important...Family Worship is important.

My Husband is important.
So communicating (not just talking), and understanding (because we are so different), and helping him is important (because we're in this together).

The Children are important.
So Mothering: eye contact, listening, touching are important. Their growing Faith is important, their Hearts are important, their Education is important. Having fun (making Memories) is important.

Home is important.
So keeping Home is important. Tidiness is important, so is being cozy and comfortable. Clean clothes are important (but not having ALL the laundry done each day). Good Food is important (but a Tuna Casserole never hurt anyone, ). Sweep the floor. Light a candle. Smile.

I pray that God gives me the energy to follow this Order of Things, and I will feel rested, and happy, and full of life.

Amen.

marking our home as God's

"You shall write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates." - Deuteronomy 6:9

My favorite chapter of Voddie Baucham's Family Driven Faith is Chapter 7, Mark The Home As God's Territory. In it, he talks about how a Christian family's home should look different from the homes of others. I want to share just a few things that we do in our own home, that set it apart from just any house. We'll break this down, just like the book does, with our 5 Senses:

SIGHT: What can we see in our homes, that mark them as God's?

We have Scripture all over our home. A great place to start with this, is with Watchwords. I don't have all of them hanging up right now, but I do have most of them framed in various rooms throughout our home. We have the same verse hanging in our Kitchen, that my Mother had hanging in her's. We have Jesus and His Disciples eating The Last Supper in our Dining Room, and we have God's Laws hanging in our Family Room. In our bedroom, hangs a Wedding Picture of our Marriage being Prayed over. And my favorite verse, Jeremiah 29:11 also hangs in our room. Now I Lay Me Down To Sleep (the exact same picture that hung in the hallway when I was a child) hangs in the Hallway that leads to the Children's Rooms. The Golden Rule is framed and hanging in our School Room. And, I have long wanted to Write and Frame, "Come, follow Me, and I will make you Fishers of Men," and hang it in the Kid's Fishy Bathroom.

We have a Cross hanging.

I've felt heartsick for Jesus' parents looking at Destiny, and hope to hang it in my own home before long, and have meant to make this for our bathroom for months.

This is a sure way to mark our home's as God's. Your children and guests will remember your home as a place where they saw Jesus' face, or God's Word. I know, because I can still see Philippians 4:13, written in my Dad's handwriting, in a little photo cube sitting on his workbench out in his garage. I see and remember it, just like it was yesterday.

HEAR: What do we hear in our home's that mark them as God's?

We study the Hymns. We sing them, and play them. We read the Bible aloud to our Children, their Father and I both. We teach them the Bible Songs, and sing along with them, as we do the motions. KLOVE plays in our van. Audiobibles are the norm. And this is on my wishlist for my sweet babies.

This will mark our home's as God's as well. You'll know it and hear for yourself, when your children start to sing praises to Him while they're playing, doing chores, or finishing schoolwork.

TASTE AND SMELL: What meal can we prepare each Sunday, that when our Children smell and taste these foods years down the road, they will be reminded of the Lord's Day?

I recently switched from making Cinnamon Rolls to making Cinnamon Toast each Sunday for Breakfast. If ever there is a morning when I make these two meals on a whim, my younger children will ask me, "Is it a Church Day?"

We also have our Sunday Afternoon Barbeque each Sunday for Lunch.

TOUCH: What can we feel with our own hands that reminds us of God in our Homes?

I don't know about you, but when I've experienced a few "dark" times in my Walk With Jesus, and haven't been in The Word for a while, it always feels so nice to hold my own Bible in my hands. My Bible that I've had for years, that I've underlined, and bookmarked, and read to my Children, and desperately searched over.

All of our Children have their own Bible. I hope their's mean as much to them, as mine does to me. I see this a little each night, when we get ready for Family Worship, and they search out each other's Bibles, wanting only their own.

Which brings us to what Voddie Baucham calls a Multi-Sensory Expression of Faith, The Family Altar. Next week, I hope to share what we do for Family Worship.

Family Goal: 2010

2010 Goals abound here. Waaay too many to share.

But one of our yearly goals as a family is to read through the entire bible in 2010. We will use this bible reading plan. It divides the bible into 52 weeks, with 7 reading topics (one for each day of the week), including The Law, History, Psalms, Poetry, Prophecy, Gospels, and Epistles. We were originally looking for something in chronological order, but Brian found this, and we both liked that it changed things up...VERY important when you are trying to keep the attention of several little ones!

I will be pre-reading/pre-listening to each day's scheduled reading during our QT in the afternoon, using my new NKJV Scofield Study Bible III, and our AWESOME family gift, the Word of Promise NKJV Complete Audio Bible. If I were a wealthy woman (financially) I would buy this audio bible for every family I know. It's that good.

What's your most important goal for 2010?

waiting patiently for him

Yesterday afternoon was my last OB appointment before my scheduled induction October 6. Baby's heartbeat was good, and my doctor had plans on checking me since I was beyond 37 weeks. It turns out I have progressed to 4 cm and my water bag is bulging (sorry squeamishers). The bad news is that baby has turned and is now breech. Brian and I talked things over with the doctor, and have decided to go with a C-section, which is still planned for October 6 at 10:30 am.

.

We could have tried an aversion (manually turning the baby, which we did with TJ), but if we did that, the baby could turn right back around, we would risk the chance of my water breaking and needing an emergency C-section, or we could turn him and do a vaginal delivery and experience another shoulder dystocia on top of everything else.

.

So we thought things through, and decided to go with the scheduled surgery next Tuesday. Now, the biggest issue is staying pregnant for 5 more days (never thought I'd say that)! I am mainly sitting on my bum while my wonderful husband and daughters take care of everything. Very hard.

.

God's timing is always perfect. We know we will meet this baby at just the moment God planned for us to meet him long, long ago.

.

Rest in the LORD, and wait patiently for Him - Psalm 37:7

.

Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God - Philippians 4:6